Eien no Yume
by Ryuuen Chou
Summary: Ep. 33 spoilers!! Hotohori gets a note. Mild N/H shounen-ai


Eien no Yume  
  
He read the note again. No, that's still all it said. Eien no Yume. Eternal Dream.  
He stood, just kind of looking at it. The scrolling, neat handwriting, the simple kanji elegantly written on the parchment.  
How did it get here? The thought occured to him suddenly. How had the note gotten here?  
He thought to turn the note over, and sure enough, there was more writing- a relatively lengthy note, considering that the author was not known for being a writer.  
  
Hotohori-sama,  
  
Are you okay? I'm glad.  
Hotohori-sama, I must confess, I'm afraid.  
I know that I am going to die soon, and I don't want to go. I don't want to leave you and the others. I'm scared to die.  
I know also that I have.. well, I know you see how I act around you, and I always wonder if you'd guessed how I felt, but I guess that you didn't. But that's okay. I think that's okay because I'm over it now. So don't worry.  
If I die I'm doing so with no regrets. Don't worry over me.  
But I must say that.. even if I say that I am over you.. I don't know if in truth I am. I just have to get this off of my chest so that I can.. die happy. Die at peace.  
Thank you, Hotohori-sama, for you have both damned me and saved me. Thank you, for being unreachable and yet compassionate towards me. Thank you for letting me share your presense for this time.  
The thing I have to say to you before I go to find the Shinzaho is...  
Wo ai ni (I love you)... wo ai ni, Hotohori-sama.. wo ai ni...  
I'll say it again:  
wo ai ni, wo ai ni! I can say it freely now, do you see? I feel so much more alive now! Oh, see how free I am? Nothing can scare me now, I'm invincible!  
Oh, I lied.. death scares me, but not so much. Don't worry, I'll be okay! Just go on with your life.  
Here's a little piece of advice though... give up on Miaka. She's got Tamahome, and she's happy. I know you'll be angered at me and say "how can I just give up, just like that!?" It's easy. Look around you, Hotohori-sama, so many people love you, you just don't see it because you set your eyes on one target and do not see anyone else. You would be so much happier if you just saw that.  
People love you, Hotohori-sama. I love you. Others love you.  
I just wanted you to know.  
  
Wo Ai Ni,  
for the first and last time, wo ai ni.  
--Nuriko  
  
Hotohori stared at the note in disbelief, a single tear falling from his honey-brown eyes, landing on the corner of the note.  
Nuriko... loved me?? And all this time I never even noticed.. oh, Gods..  
He felt his eyes fill with tears, and he didn't attempt to brush them away. When he blinked, they fell from his eyes to land with tiny, barely-audible splishes on the page.  
He cared about me that much and I never even knew...  
The young emperor looked at the note, somehow all at once wishing it would change and knowing that it would remain the same.  
He turned it over again, and again the words, "Eien no Yume" stared up at him from the page.  
Eternal dream... I wonder what he meant by that... perhaps.. oh, I don't know...!  
He nearly slammed a fist down on the table in irritation, but refrained from doing so because someone might come to ask him if he was alright and see him in this state.  
The tears ran freely now, and the emperor made no attempt to wipe them away. He just, for the moment, wanted to cry like anyone else would-- he didn't want to have to be strong like he did as the emperor.. he just wanted to be Hotohori, just for the moment. Just for this moment, to be a normal man, mourning a friend, mourning someone who had loved him one-sidedly for so long, and he never knew...  
He, who knew how it felt to love from afar, to look but never touch, to love and not be loved back, had ignored the love of another for him.. hadn't seen it...  
Or perhaps.. perhaps I did.. and I ignored it. I saw his behavior around me, how it was different from when he was talking with the others, but I didn't want to think that...  
The thought trailed into nothingness as the emperor crumpled, sobbing, into a plush armchair near the table.  
Nuriko left me this note, this message.. must have been before he... he knew it was going to happen, didn't he!? He knew!  
"Why, Suzaku, why!?" He asked angrily to the God that he could not see, his voice choked with emotion, anger and sadness in his eyes. "Why did you take him!?"  
  
~  
  
"Hotohori-sama??" A quiet voice asked. A female voice.  
"Shimatta.." He cursed and stood, using a sleeve to wipe away the tears and spoke to the person who had entered without looking at them. "What is it?"  
"I wanted to see.. if you were alright." She said, her voice soft. "I was told to leave that letter for you, by a very dear friend, who wrote me and told me to give you that note. I did not read it, but I have heard that he.."  
Her voice trailed off into a brief silence. Hotohori finally spoke.  
"You knew... Nuriko..?"  
"Hai, he was my best friend." He heard the subtle trembling in her voice, and knew that she was crying.  
Finally he turned around, only to be faced with the very mirror image of the man who had written him that sad letter.  
"Nani??" He backed one step away. "Who are you?"  
She looked as though she had expected this reaction.  
"My name is Houki." She said, trying to wipe away the tears and streaked makeup, but the attempt was in vain-- it did nothing.  
He said nothing, just watched her. She was so like Nuriko, it was almost frightening. It certainly frightened him.  
"So you know that he.."  
"Hai, I know." She said softly, "he wrote me before he died."  
"He knew it was going to happen."  
"Nani?"  
"He knew he was going to die.." Hotohori collapsed once more, sobbing quietly.  
Houki walked across the room to him and held him.  
No words were needed.  
  
~  
  
He stood, watching the whole scene, tears running down his face, although he didn't seem to care.  
Ah, I am glad that she took my advice, he thought. I told her to take care of him, didn't I?  
Smiling slightly, he walked behind Houki and looked down upon the emperor.  
"N.. Nuriko?" Hotohori asked, looking straight at him. Houki stiffened and turned around also, gasping when she saw him.  
"Hai, Hotohori-sama." The ghost replied, smiling despite the tears. "It's me."  
"Is it true, in the letter..?" The emperor asked. Nuriko's smile faded to only a shadow of a shadow of a smile.  
"Hai," Nuriko said, kneeling in front of Hotohori, looking him straight in the eyes.  
"N-Nuriko.."  
"Don't speak. Stop beating yourself up over this, Hotohori-sama.. I'm gone now and there's nothing you can do, so get over me." He then repeated, in a bare whisper, "just get over me.."  
Hotohori watched Nuriko's ghost, wondering what the spirit would do now.  
"Oi, Nuriko, I didn't know..."  
"Hai, I know, Hotohori-sama." Nuriko replied gently, then said, very quietly. "Wo ai ni, Hotohori-sama, wo ai ni."  
Then, with as tiny a feeling as a whisper of the wind, the ghost leaned down and kissed the emperor, and then stood up straight.  
"I said it before," He said in a tiny whisper, "now I'm going to say it again. Wo ai ni. Live forever, Hotohori-sama... Eien no yume."  
Then the ghost dissappeared.  
And finally Hotohori understood... the meaning... of eien no yume..  
  
  
*Owari* 


End file.
